Ad vitam (For life)

I remember when I was in highschool, I always list down dreams and goals... things I want to achieve... I went through those years planning my life as if I have a total control of it... But as I grow old, little by little you get to understand that life is not really your own. And despite careful planning and determination, there will always be potholes along the way and dead end signs and even freaky pauses that make you wonder if life will get worst than it already is...

By next year, I'll be leaving the world of the 20s... By this time, based on my plans I would have achieved my Ph.D, have a high paying but socially responsible job, a business of my own, and a car... and yes I even thought of getting married once I hit 30. So now as 2009 is just around the corner, waiting to jump on me... I get to think that I have missed so much on my targets. There are times I feel like a failure... I look at myself and ask "What have you done dude?"

But life has not been that bad for me... I've travelled (something that I love to do and I feel blessed), I have my family, a nice "developing" family home, nearing to my degree, great friends, a life insurance (whew), and a bestfriend, boog. And I still have my dreams and I know that in God's own time, I will be able to achieve all of it...

So you may ask, what's the purpose of this blog entry anyway? Out of boredom? probably... but I'm just thinking aloud. I may not have my dream job nor do I have my dream savings but I can say that I have lived the past 29 years or so with a happy heart and yes despite the numerous frustrations, tears, problems and headaches... Life is still good to me.

What's in store for me next year? I have no idea. I somehow stopped planning and listing things down. But I never stopped creating new dreams and hoping for better days... I know that as I aged I also matured a lot... I find myself different now than I was 15 years ago. I can say I am a much better person (less tantrums I swear!)and I have my learning failures, my sweet achievements and the people in my life to thank for all of these... Nobody said that life will always be sweet and all sunshine; there will be thunder storms and rough paths but the journey and the will to move forward makes a lot of difference...

I promise to be more optimistic next year and to try to look into the goodness of others and in everything that comes my way, be it my work, my studies or even with people I meet. I have been engulfed by my self built wall, covered in dark dreary clouds... Now I am seeing rays of light along my path and I know that my happiness lies not in other peoples hands but in my own.

I am going to live! (with fingers crossed)

But this is all for 2009. hehehe