If you want to help

I'm drowning and you're describing the water,
asking me to swim towards the shore
when you know damn well I can not swim.

I'm choking and you're telling me to swallow,
forcing me to gulp down a glass of water
if I do, you know I'll only choke more.

I'm grasping for breath and you're asking me to just inhale,
fanning me to give me some paper smelling air
but its not what I need to help me exhale.

I'm shivering from cold and you're openning the windows,
letting the freezing breeze inside my curtainless room
despite the sun light my soul is still getting frigid.

Maybe you don't understand what I'm going through,
call it hell or call it a life crisis but its mine
and you will never know the struggle inside.

If you want to help then stop pretending you know everything,
listen to the depths of the silence of my muted heart
and maybe just maybe you can help me get through this.

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From wanting to being thankful...

Yesterday, Droppy showed me the new Apple iphone which is still not out in the market. I literally fell inlove with the new phone... itls like a mini ipod, laptop, digital camera all in one. I mean whoa!!! Suddenly the techie in me wanted to just hug the creators of this iphone. Weird that my wanting this phone was bordering to obsession in just one day... But then again lets be practical... pfft. ;-)

We were able to watch the "Blood Diamond" movie... I give it five stars... There were a lot emotions going through me while watching it. I know its just a movie but it did happen in real life! Sierra Leone was literally destroyed because of people's greed. In the movie they said so many one liners that moved me to tears... Like, Man (or a person to be politically correct) is relatively good, its the things s/he do that makes them bad... or I can't understand why they do this to each other (meaning the killings and all)... "God has left this place a long time ago".... The movie just showed so many "internal battles" of different people (mandy the journalist, the smugglers, the people of Sierra Leone and others). As much as I want to share my thoughts on this movie, you have got to watch it and I guess you'll understand what I mean...

On the way home... I realized I am happy. I am thankful for being who I am, where I am and what I have.

on tarot cards and freaky blog tests

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

.... so now tell me, would you actually believe these kinds of tests... hmmm... but hey it passes the time, gives you something to do, and somehow it keeps you sane. kampai!

On 2007

Its 2007, first day at work and I feel so disoriented... Mixed feelings ika nga. There is this feeling of not wanting to go back to what I was and where I was in 2006 and yet circumstances will not allow me to start a fresh. I can only wish for it but thats not being practical and you know you need to be practical to keep sane. Angst ba? Hindi naman just some reflections...

The last two weeks I decided not to do any work or study at all. (yeah I know my deadline ako sa school...) I thought maybe if I leave everything behind muna and just not think of anything I will somehow feel refresh for 2007. But 2007 came and I still feel the same old me. Yeah "old" as in I feel tired and even scared. I have more questions now than before and it does not help that "options" are not given to us. But life, I guess, is like that. We are not given the kind of options we want but we are given the freewill to decide to be happy or not...

Right now, with all the things I have to do, I have decided to stay reserved just like before until I am able to resolve my dilemmas and maybe face the evils in my mind. But I will change... 2007 will be a turning point in my life... Give me time...